I’m Your Friendly Neighborhood Merry Makeup Representative

You don’t choose our business. Our business chooses you!

Hi, there! My name is Ellie Evers! We met at the HOA barbecue last week. I live right behind you on Maple Street. Natalie, right? And your husband’s name is John. I have a memory for names and faces.

Are you okay, honey? You look pale.

Oh, hi John! Remember me? Ellie Evers. Yes. From the barbecue. I’d like to discuss with Natalie an opportunity to work for Merry Makeup!

Now, John, I see that look in your eyes. I have to admit knocking on doors to sell cosmetics is so 1980s. I mean, who does that anymore? The days of your friendly neighborhood makeup saleswoman are long over.

Unless you work for Merry Makeup.

Merry Makeup representatives are people persons. We love to be social. Most of us are stay-at-home moms, housewives, retirees, or divorcees. Some of us are widows.

The great thing about Merry Makeup is that we create opportunities for women to start their own businesses.

I know, I know.

You’ve heard the spiel before.

Tupperware, Mary Kay, Pampered Chef, Avon, Scentsy — all those direct sales companies are set up the same way. Sell merchandise. Create teams. Work your way up to the top of the sales pyramid to bring in piles of money.

Or so they tell you. We know the reality. Most women never make it to the tippy top. Heck, they barely make enough money to cover the expenses of buying inventory!

Unlike most of those companies, you don’t have to invest a dime into buying a Merry Makeup kit. One will be provided for you.

If you’re not comfortable knocking on doors, offering warm smiles and sincere words to potential clients, don’t despair. Merry Makeup offers on-the-job training and free business courses.

Of course, you’re a good provider, John. And I certainly appreciate that Natalie’s job is to take care of you and the house.

The great thing about Merry Makeup is that you can work less than five hours a week and still bring in a few extra bucks. And who couldn’t use a few extra bucks?

Yes.

Well.

You must keep Natalie very busy. We hardly ever see her around the neighborhood. I’m guessing you’re handy with tools, aren’t you, Natalie?

How else would you get those bruises on your arms?

None of my business, John? Ha, ha, ha. I’m so glad you brought that up. We at Merry Makeup love to say that you don’t choose our business. Our business chooses you!

Natalie, let me leave you with a few samples.

John, you’re scowling. You know that causes frown lines and forehead wrinkles, don’t you?

Tell you what, this first sample is for you. It’s a facial spray we call Narcissist’s Screams. It is an unusual name. We at Merry Makeup pride ourselves on originality.

Let me show you how this product works. Natalie, honey, could you scooch to the left? It’s simple, really. You aim the nozzle about three inches from your face and give one good pump. Allow me, John.

Wow. Your husband really knows how to bellow. Oops. He fell down.

John, clawing at your face isn’t necessary. The product will work just fine without — oh, never mind.

I know men like you, John.

You think you know everything.

You think you own everything, too, including your wife.

Natalie, are you okay? What a lovely smile you have! It’s nice to see you happy. Do you see why we call this Narcissist’s Screams? Ha, ha, ha. It has a proprietary botanical blend that works with the acid to melt his face.

Do you mind if I just spritz a little more on his neck? It might help dissolve his vocal cords faster. There we go. See? Now he’s just gurgling. Much better.

Did you know that Merry Makeup also offers a line of cleaning products? I happen to have our patented Blood Away bleach cleanser right here.

No worries, Natalie. Merry Makeup works with a specialty disposal service. We can put what’s left of John into the Body Gone zippered bag and he’ll be whisked away to our private crematorium.

I told you, honey. We have free business courses. If you sign up to be a representative today, I can get you into Thursday’s So the Police Are Asking Questions seminar.

That’s great! I’m so glad you’re joining us! Now. Let’s scrub all this John goo off the floor and then we can talk details.

And Natalie?

Welcome to the Merry Makeup family!

---