Bride Auction: Chapter 4 -Damned if You Don't

DAMON BLACKTHORN

I can’t sleep. Not here.

I stand at the floor-to-ceiling windows of my bedroom, staring at the trees lashed by wind and rain. In the glass, I see my reflection. The cold face of the devil.

I smirk.

I watch the red glow of my cigarette as I inhale.

The old house hasn’t changed much at all.

I still hate it here.

I blow out the smoke.

My gaze turns to the east where the Caulder mansion sits. Between the forested hill on their side and the forested hill on our side is a verdant field.

It belongs to us. Relatives want to build on it. Golf course.

I will never allow it.

I remember the purple and pink and white wildflowers that poke from the long, green grass. The blonde-haired girl running here and there, laughing. A kite. Koi fish. Bright orange against the azure sky.

My chest tightens.

Even at the age of twelve I had learned to close off my emotions. Hard lessons from my father. He demanded perfection from the heir. Ironic coming the man with so many flaws, he was never considered good enough to be the heir. My grandfather skipped over him entirely.

My chest won't stop aching.

That little girl. That sunshine girl.

She was the only one who never asked anything of me.

She gave me the red ball. The only toy I ever had.

I regret its loss.

And her.

I regret losing her, too.

Gone forever, my sunshine girl.

I take another drag of the cigarette, my gaze drifting over the field. It’s nearing the end of August. Not quite fall. But the air is starting to chill. And the grass is already yellowing.

I see movement at the edge of the Caulder’s property.

A person runs across the field.

Lightning cracks the dark of the sky and I see ... blonde hair.

A woman.

She stops at the tree line that leads to the Blackthorn forest. She pauses. Sways.

Then plunges into the woods.

My heart seizes in my chest. The smoke in my lungs chokes me.

Coughing, I stub the cigarette out on the nightstand ash tray. I put on my slippers.

Then I run. Through the hallway. Down the stairs. Out the front door.

I know where to go.

I haven’t returned to the fort I made for Jin-Jin since the night she disappeared. The Caulders like to pretend she never existed, but I know she did.

I plunge through the forest. I don’t care about the bushes that snag my pajamas. Or the rain that soaks me to the bone.

I skid past the oak tree. Nearly fall in the dip.

The fort.

The ceiling has collapsed.

In the debris, I see the remnants of the makeshift table and chairs. A silver food wrapper. The moldy edge of Jin-Jin’s favorite picture book.

I fall to my knees.

Stare at the broken fort.

Laugh.

Laugh, laugh, laugh. I can’t stop. I don’t know when the laughter turns to tears, but it does.

I kneel and weep.

How long I’m there, I don’t know. I’m shivering from the rain. And my heart feels hollow.

Empty.

I’m getting ready to stand up when I see the white cloth trapped under one of the broken boards.

I move it aside and find a cotton strip that’s obviously been torn from clothing. It’s wet and muddy, but I don’t think it’s been here long.

Did it belong to the woman?

I shake my head. No. Impossible. How would she know this place existed?

I push the board over and watch a red ball roll out.

I scoop it into my hand. It’s smaller than I remember. Worn and faded. But it’s a gift from Jin-Jin.

With the ball and white scrap in my hand, I walk away.

When I return to the mansion, our housekeeper Uncle Shu is beside himself. I take the towel he offers, promise him I’m okay, and head to the master bath in my bedroom.

Under the hot spray of the shower, I wash away the dirt and grime. I wish I could wash away the longing that fills my soul when I think about Jin-Jin. Her innocence. Her purity. Her light. She was so sweet. A little sister who adored me.

After putting on fresh pajamas, I walk back to the window. My gaze travels over the field and to the Caulder mansion.

I graduated university early. Spent years building our overseas connections and expanding the Blackthorn empire.

Now I was back to take over the family and the whole of Blackthorn Industries.

After being abroad for so long, away from the old house with its nest of vipers, I had been able to focus on work and work alone. I had only been back a couple of days and I was already imagining blonde-haired girls running into forests.

I lit a cigarette.

Jin-Jin disappeared the night her mother died. It was storming then, too.

Likely, she was dead.

Hadn’t I accepted it long ago?

YOU

I make it to the guest room without running into anyone. I take a quick shower and put on new pajamas. The other ones are torn and wet, so I throw them away.

I clean the mud and water puddles I left on the pristine marble floors. I don’t want to leave any trace.

I don’t know how I got outside. Or why I ended up in the forest that held my secret with Bubby.

“You should drink one of the tonics,” says the boy.

He stands beside me as I put away the mop in the utility closet near the kitchen.

“Where have you been?” I ask.

“I’m always with you whether you can see me or not,” he says. “Take a tonic. You don’t want to catch a cold.”

I follow his advice because I don’t want to get sick. Not after spending so many days in bed trying to heal a lifetime of neglect. I don’t want my not-family to decide I’m too much trouble.

I find the labeled bottles in the fridge. I heat up a bowl full of bitter medicine and down it all in one go.

By the time I return to bed, I’m exhausted. The boy sits beside me. His gaze is worried, but I don’t know why.

“Where’s your ball?” I ask.

“I left it at the fort.” He pats my leg. “Go to sleep, Jin-Jin. I’ll be right here.”

Even though the boy isn’t real, I still take comfort in his words. I fall asleep.

And dream of Koi fish kites floating against a bright blue sky.

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