You Are Drop Dead Gorgeous
Merry Makeup is for everyone.
Oh, hi there! Mark, right? I saw you at last week’s HOA barbecue with your … um, parents? How did such a bright darling like you emerge from those two boring beige-wearing people? Do they hate color?
My goodness. Don’t cry. Why don’t you come to my van and sit for a moment? No, I’m not a serial killer, ha ha ha. I’m Ellie Evers, Merry Makeup’s number one sales consultant.
Yes, my van is very pink. I’m at the tippy-top tier for Merry Makeup. That’s right. I sold so much Merry Makeup they gave me this lovely vehicle. Do you know it has a beauty studio inside? Would you like to see it?
No, I’m not going offer you candy or puppies. Ha ha ha.
But I do have the latest glitter eyeshadow palette from Merry Makeup. Why, these shades are not even on the market yet!
Look, we're right on the street in full view of all those people going into the church. How about a makeover? I’ll leave the side door open and you can relax in the salon chair. It has a built-in seat heater.
Don’t you worry, sweetie. Gender doesn’t matter, I promise. Merry Makeup is for everyone.
Here, sit. Take these Wipe Away Your Tears cloths and clean your beautiful face. Your outfit? Well, it’s amazing, of course. That dress suits you so well. I think it’s lovely that you like fashion, especially designers like Alexander McQueen. I’m a fan of vintage Chanel myself.
You don’t like your short hair? Or that everyone treats you like a boy? It’s important for you to be true to yourself. Oh, honey. That’s the difficult thing about being different when you live in a We-Heart-Jesus household.
Do I think God exists? No idea. But I think people have enough problems without worrying about an almighty deity judging them from his sky throne.
You certainly do deserve to be loved. You shouldn’t have to hide who you really are, and that’s why Merry Makeup can be so transformative! But first, I do apologize for using your dead name. That was dreadfully crass. What’s your actual name?
Nice to meet you, Miranda. Are you ready for Merry Makeup to change your life? Excellent. Let’s get started!
First, pick a wig. I have several. The blonde curly one? Yes, I call that the Dolly Parton. Ooooh. Nice choice. Perfect.
Second, make-up! Look in this drawer, dear heart, every shade of foundation you could ever want. Contour on the right. Highlighter on the left. You want to do it? Go for it.
Wow. You are quite good at this, Miranda. I think you would make a magnificent Merry Makeup salesperson. I’ve recently recruited new consultants from our very neighborhood and they’ve been doing rather well.
Blushes? What medium do you like best? I have cream, powder, cream-powder, stick. I like them all, too. I’m wearing a powder blush today, but my favorite is the Pinky Promise cream blush. That shade of pink is exclusive to Merry Makeup. Yes, yes, darling. It looks so good on your skin.
By the way, why were you going to church at four p.m. on a Friday? I thought that whole church thing was a Sunday activity.
A group exorcism?
What on earth is that?
That’s … that’s terrible. They really rounded up teenagers who are LGBTQIA+ to exorcise them? Like, like they’re possessed?
The devil. Really. Humph. You’d think the ruler of hell would have better things to do than send demons to possess teenagers.
Look, there are my new consultants! Oh, that? They’re wearing prototype boilersuits. In Merry Makeup pink, of course! Well, the masks and gloves are necessary when you’re dealing with certain products. Ha, ha, ha. They are dressed like CSI Barbie.
Did you want to look at the lipsticks, Miranda? Here you go. Oh, Venom of Venus? That one is a prototype. We’re still working out the kinks. How about this lovely Punch ’Em Pink?
You noticed that my consultants are chaining the doors shut? Well, today we’re giving out free samples of our newest perfume. It’s called Transformation. Our aromachologists worked on this particular perfume for more than two years.
Ah. Aromachology is the scientific study of how scents and odors affect human behavior and emotions. Transformation is our first effort in creating a behavioral fragrance.
Here’s an interesting fact. Your sense of smell bypasses the thalamus. Oh, think of it as the brain’s sensory relay station. Your senses sorta have to go through the thalamus to be processed.
But odors go right to your olfactory bulb, which has direct neural connections to the amygdala. That’s the part of your brain that controls emotions. We have a natural inclination not trust other humans who aren’t like us. That’s where prejudice and intolerance are built.
There are a lot of science-y terms like Brain-Derived Neurotrophic Factor, mRNA peptide, and myelin-sheath accelerators. I know, boring, right?
The bottom-line explanation is that our behavioral fragrance makes the brain’s neural connections malleable. Then our mRNA peptide alters the amaygdala’s pesky little threat responses. A little synaptic cementing occurs and viola! Old pathways filled with suspicion and hate die. New pathways filled with tolerance and kinship are born.
Isn’t that neat?
Oh, honey. Don’t worry about all that screaming. There’s a few teeny tiny side effects to the process. On the upside, everyone will come out smelling like a rose. Literally. That’s the signature scent of Transformation.
The teens dragged in for that so-called exorcism? Our Merry Makeup consultants have taken them all to our local Merry Makeup Spa for a full day of treatments for mind and body.
Now, let’s see how your transformation turned out.
Well, well. Look at you, darling Miranda.
You are drop dead gorgeous!